The Onion: DNA Evidence Frees Black Man

DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack

The Onion: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

New Jersey Votes On Death Penalty Ban

The New Jersey Assembly will vote on Dec. 13 whether to abolish the death penalty. What do you think? The Onion

Kira Hauser,
Registered Nurse
"That's good, but I'd still rather kill people in New York."

Ed Dolby,
Vending Machine Reapairman
"Hey, I'm all for the decision, just as long as New Jersey doesn't get rid of the slow, torturous death of a regular prison sentence."

George Dean,
Systems Analyst
"They haven't executed anybody in 44 years. Shouldn't they at least try it before abolishing it all together?"